This rambles. It runs. But…
Why do I fight?
Not in the physical sense, not in the form of violence or screaming, I mean. I’m not talking about getting riled up, taking it out on someone else. I’m talking bigger than that.
Why do I fight the world? Press against the foggy window of stigma and societal expectations?
I want to be heard.
I have a voice, a loud one, ready to burst from my throat. Anxiety and old thoughts hold the reigns, dictate when I can open my mouth and let the cacophonous racket escape. A melody of crashing instruments. A symphony of well-trained individuals choosing songs independent of one another.
There are thoughts behind this sound. Some of them scratch against the walls of a mind broken and cracking from responsibility, a duty to be normal. I want to wear flamingo pink pants with polka dot shoes. Shave off the sides of my hair and still be considered beautiful, feminine because I am. I want to cut my nails short like I always do but not be questioned about my identity. I want to exist with flaming hair. I want to exist as loudly as possible not to make a statement but because that’s who I am.
I don’t want to hear Buzz the Bee whispering in my ear. I want to hear my own voice echoing off the halls.
I have big dreams.
Sitting down, taking what society offers doesn’t suit me. I won’t write for the audience already there. I won’t write to fit inside a particular genre. My dreams include making an impact on the writing world, the reading world. Sitting down silent, typing a story that fits inside the lines won’t cut it. Not if I want to do my dreams justice.
I fight because I have a story.
I fight because I can.
If I don’t fight, I’ll crumble. Won’t you?
The world has many forces it likes to press down on people. If we don’t actively push back, our stance in the world will be the one to give. Then where will we lie? On the ground with nothing left to us. It cultivates defeat. It cultivates bad attitudes.
When we are crushed and on the ground, of course we are going to be bitter. If we weren’t angry towards everything it would be shocking. With this in mind, rude and angry people make a lot more sense. They’ve been stuck bent over their whole life.
So how can you avoid being bitter and angry?
There is no reason to sit down quietly. Especially not if you have a dream.
Some people may think I’m brash or annoying. I’ve been called far worse too. Yes, I wear loud clothing. Yes, I dye my hair. I even cut it super short. Just like my nails. Yes, I lift weights and do workouts other than cardio.
But I’m sensitive. I’m feminine (even though everyone loves to tell me otherwise). I’m strong. I’m me. If you choose to question my feminity or my beauty because I workout, sit with my legs apart instead of together, or cut my hair crazy short, be ready for my speech.
I don’t listen to insults. I don’t sit down and take rude comments that reflect a society that doesn’t reflect me. I will instead present my stance and I’ll do it in the hopes of changing your perspective. I will stand up for myself, but that doesn’t mean I’m being mean. It means I’m standing up for myself.
So what was the point of this blog article? The point is to say, “Stand up for yourself. Don’t doubt yourself. However, you want to be is fine.” Even if it is crazy by normal standards. Standards are created by the previous generation, more often than not. Just be you, the world will accommodate you eventually. And if they don’t, if you accept you that’s what matters.
Find your purpose, stand up, be loud.