Hello and happy Monday! The idea of “Monday” has brought about the idea of failure. Failing to wake up on time, failing to get to work on time, failing to finish something by a deadline, etc. All these failures come in with the work week.
But we know about these. We’re familiar with the small failures that are (for the most part) under our control. What about the things that aren’t under our control? What about the failures that feel terrible?
So, to clarify, we’re going to open up the umbrella of failure. I’m not just talking about messing something up. I’m talking about doing anything and finding a lack of success. Buying a house, buying a car, not finding a significant other, not being yourself, not taking of yourself, etc. This is a huge umbrella so hopefully you’ll find some help and advice here.
Failing is hard. Not finding success over and over again is hard. It takes its toll.
If you’re facing a lot of failure and a lot of places where you aren’t succeeding, car buying or job searching, there’s one thing you have to do before anything.
Stop and breathe.
This really is the most important. Why? Because we aren’t managing our stress…at all. When we don’t manage our stress situations end up seeming more dire than they are. Everything is amplified. Our emotions are frayed. Our thoughts are all rattled up. And we keep pushing forward.
Take a few minutes every day or every time you feel yourself getting frazzled to stop and breathe. I know it’s easier said than done and you might not even notice a difference right away. But the change will come.
Settle yourself. you don’t need to be caught up in the stress of whatever failure or failures you’re facing. If you’re frazzled and not focused, not calm (ish) then you cannot expect yourself to make sound, rational decisions. This is a huge factor as to why we make huge purchases or get involved in jobs, relationships, and lifestyles that are unhealthy for us. We’re so caught up in the need of something, a victory, that we forget to look at things rationally and logically, not panicked and emotional.
Acknowledge: It’ll be hard, it won’t be quick.
This kinda sucks.
When we’re faced with situations, whether we factor failure into it or not, we all like to think that the process is going to be quick and painless. Well, maybe we think it might take a little time and it might be a little hard but rarely do we walk into something thinking “This is going to take months, years and it’s going to be stressful, time consuming, and up and down.” And it’s good that we don’t think that way.
But there comes a time when we have to drop the overly optimistic attitude and come to terms with a still optimistic but realistic attitude.
Most big things will not get fixed or solved overnight. Or over a few nights. Or maybe even over a few months. The world does not work on an instant gratification scale, not like the one we’ve come to expect anyway. It’s so important that at some point in the process of navigating failure we take the time to acknowledge that this isn’t quick or easy helps set us up for success.
Now that we’ve acknowledged it won’t be easy, we have to practice patience. Yes, I know it isn’t fun. It’s never fun. Just deal with it.
I also know that sounds really callous. But there does come a point where we have to take a deep breath in and breathe out. Many times, there will be a situation where you cannot do anything at all in the moment and you’ll just have to wait. Right?
Instead of panicking late at night or thinking about something out of your control all day, take a breath (step one), acknowledge it’ll suck (step two), and work on your patience by figuring out what you can do right now that will help you out. Okay, so you’re waiting for a phone call in the next three days and overthinking it. You can’t make that person call any faster (or at all). But you can make yourself a salad. You can make yourself go for a run or do some yoga. You can make yourself get to bed early. Fill up your waiting time with healthy habits.
Go to bed.
At the end of the day, we do only have control over so many factors and one that helps us a ton is sleep. If we are stressed, not relaxing, and not sleeping, how do we expect ourselves to not fall apart? We aren’t being fair to ourselves at that point.
We need quality sleep for an individually tailored quantity of time. If I’m really stressed out, I need more sleep. Unfortunately, many people when trying to navigate failures, get less sleep than normal.
Please, for all that is good, prioritize your sleep during this time. Go to bed earlier, set your alarm for a few minutes later. Dark room. No TV before bed. Maybe some soft white noise. Get rest. Rest well. It’ll help your immune system (so you aren’t sick on top of everything) and it’ll help you make good decisions.
All right, last one.
Know it’ll be okay.
How can I say that without knowing your situation? Because of one thing I think about a lot:
If I trust myself to work as hard as I can to find a solution, everything will be fine.
I’m not saying God or anything else is going to come into your life and fix it for you. I am saying that if you put in the effort to solve your problem, it will be solved. I don’t believe that there is destiny. I don’t believe that there is anything that can intervene and fix things. I don’t believe that there is any problem that cannot be solved.
That mentality helps get me through the toughest of times. Honest. If you do nothing else, trust yourself. Trust that you are working to make it okay. And if you aren’t? Well, go start.
Bottom line? Navigating failures is hard. Take care of your health. Slow down a little bit and keep an emphasis on resting and staying cool enough in your head to be able to make the big and hard decisions. Trust yourself to get through this. Keep working, keep trying. You’ll get through it.